macromedia flash sitedesign: I was never a good writer, can you help me with this? Yeah I understand that it
is grammatically incorrect, but I'm not an english teacher so can you please
help with it? Fix the error's, I would really appreciate it. I'm trying to
learn, most of the work that I have done which is professional was for other
companies. They gave me the text, and some media so I could design it, I never
thought up the stuff myself. So, can you please help?

http://www.Robert-Bonner.com

I would like to have my website critiqued again, I have adhered to the changes
requested, as well as I have implemented more features and cleaned thing's up a
bit.

I would like to get any suggestions, requests, or other advice if at all
possible. Also, I would like to get feedback on my current portfolio. Is it
enough, or do I need more pieces? If you are going to critique my portfolio,
please include your website/portfolio URL so I can see that you know the field
and what you're talking about, and aren?t some random person who has not been
in the field for long. I don?t mean to sound rude, but I need professional
advice not newcomer.

Thank you in advance, I will check back on this topic frequently.

Robert,
best of luck to you - your site has not changed for the better in my opinion - i wont discuss
aesthetics with you -graphics, use of flash, none of that - but you claim to be professional and
that's a big talk. Yet, the content on your site - especially the "about me" page is riddled with
typos, poor syntax and confusing terminology that, to be honest, will (and possibly already has)
turned away potential clients. It reads like 9th grade level writing and is extrememly unprofessional.
may I quote 3 of the worst I found:
"When I got into this field of work, I found out that people were being made to pay anywhere from
one thousand to fifteen thousand dollar’s for a website, like any entrepreneur I got rather
interested and decided to have a look at the field."

Holy run-on scentence Batman! Besides that, who is being "forced" to pay? Is there a gun pointed to
their heads?
As an entrepreneur you became interested in what exactly? It reads like you became interested in
forcing people to pay too much. Honest, it does.

"I understand that making a very flashy, over the top extravagant website take’s a lot of skill and
dedication; however making something that’s simple, easy to use, and is appealing to the eye but
doesn’t throw the user off edge take’s a professional."

So, again, run-on scentences gone amuck - but moreso, you are clearly not writing to a level that is
at all clear to the reader as to what your point actually is. This "scentence" tells me you people
of skill and dedication are not professional. That's how it reads.

I'm gonna stop there with the creative writing class. I see bad writing in almost every page and
every paragraph throughout your site. You use apostrophes every where you shouldn't and that only
shows a client that you do not have a basic grasp of the english language. I gave you advice in your
original thread about seeking an editor to help you write the content for your site - instead you
added some orange to some text and chose a font that looks horrible and is barely legible on my 2
different screens.

I am being honest and up front because you come across as claiming you are professional and only
want professional people to judge you - that is, in my book, very arrogant. Your past replies here
referencing Hitlar and murderous sprees didn't exactly spread warm and fuzzy feeling either.

I seriously wish you good luck in your "firm" - oh, yeah "firm" is a commercial partnership of two
or more persons, especially when unincorporated. You my friend are a "sole proprietor" or a "d.b.a".

one more bit of advice, from your "services" page:

"My curent rate is 50$ to 75$ an hour depending on the job and the urgency of it's completion. Here
is a very rough chart to explain how my system works."

Never list your prices like that - it's bad business and can lead to price fixing. But even worse,
why would a potential client read that and allow you to quote up to $75 per hour (it should read "an
hour"). If I wanted to buy an apple and the person behind the cash register said its cost was $.25 -
$.75 - I would give them $.25. Understand? Clients want to know your hourly rate or request an
overall estimate with a breakdown of what each element of the project will cost. Anything else, in
my opinion is unprofessional.

Affiliate Program:
"My affiliate program is a great way to make a little extra money on the side, all you need to do is
refer business to me. Paying jobs get's you 20% of the total, that's 200$ for every one thousand
dollar's I make. So if you bring in a job to me that will cost the individual 200$, you make 40$
just for referring him or her to my place of business."
"Also, if you're a company or small business that needs a website produced, and you're willing to
keep a permanent advertisement on your website for me I'll nock off 30% of the total order. So if
your total order is 1000$ you only pay 700$! It's that simple, and it doesn't cost you a thing! The
ad will go at the bottom of the screen near the Copyright and will not have any sort of graphic what
so ever - it'll just be text."

So you are willing to:
A. Give 20% of the total amount of the job to anyone who helps you land the job AND if the client
says you can add a text link back to your own site from their site, you will take an additional 30%
off their bill? Seriously? You do realize how much money that is? That is a loss for most people. In
fact a huge loss. You do want to make money right? You do realize developers of website can, in most
cases, add a credit with link for.....free....right?

I'm telling you this because it all sound extremely unprofessional, even moreso from somebody who is
claiming to be oh so professional and out to save the world from those who force their clients to
pay thousands of dollars for over the top flashy websites that require skill and extravagance.

Again take this as constructive criticism that you requested.





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